I’m the busiest unemployed person you know
or at least that’s what my brother keeps telling me. I can see his point; I’ve started drafting this piece whilst I kill time waiting for my flight at the airport in Chisinau. After handing in my master’s dissertation last September, I expected an empty calendar until I found a corporate job (if you’re new here1, I dream of the golden shackles of capitalism, exhibits A and B). Fuelled by an inability to stay still and my parents’ encouragement to make the most of this time because once I get a job I’ll be “working ‘till I die,” I have spent the past year embarking on a variety of side quests, ranging from staples of the canonical post-grad crisis to receiving find my friends screenshots of friends asking me what I’m doing in a random eastern European country or an island in the Caribbean. Whilst the identity crisis that comes with no longer being a student after claiming that status for as long as I can remember and not having a job title to fill that gap has been fully underway, I’m trying to reclaim being a work in progress. If you’ve gotten me drunk within the past six months, you’ve (unfortunately) had to listen to me rant about how much I hate that the first thing people tend to ask you when you first meet is What do you do? I have [occasionally un]ironically adopted toughest battles, strongest soldiers as my personal motto, but do you have any idea how hard it is for me, someone who loves meeting new people and has no appropriate answer to that godforsaken question?! As someone who is chronically afraid of seeming boring, having a variety of side quests ticks several boxes, including keeping me busy (there are only so many job applications you can send out in a day) and giving me something to talk to people about instead of my (non-existent2) corporate job.
My friend’s ex was evil, but he was onto something — two things can be true at the same time
Last week, I embraced the spirit of the spooky season and reached out to my friends for their worst dating horror stories. Through extensive research (I’m nothing if not thorough), I discovered that my friend’s ex once told her that she had no hobbies3, and whilst it was categorically untrue in her case4, it’s a fact for a lot of the adults around me. I know it’s rich coming from the unemployed girl, but I feel the need to remind people that life doesn’t end once you join the workforce. I might have been influenced by the whole I don’t have a dream job, I do not dream of labour propaganda on my fyp (unsuccessfully, I might add, as I still very much do dream of labour), but relinquishing your life outside of work, and living for those 28 days of annual leave seems like a pretty shit deal to me. Sure, there are the lucky few who love to live for their careers5, but most mere mortals without glamorous or all-fulfilling careers still need a life outside of work.
Why grownups (derogatory) are boring — and how to escape a prison of your own making
I have a friend who seems to have everything together. We’re the same age and met at a time when we were in the exact same stage in life, but over the course of the past year, we slowly drifted to the opposite sides of the having your shit together spectrum. She has a respectable, well-paying job and is recognised at work. Her days are all about routine; work, gym, dinner, sleep. My schedule is all over the place. For the first time in my life, I’m embracing spontaneity and saying yes to last-minute plans on a regular basis. Surprisingly, we both seem to be frustrated in certain areas of our lives6. I look at her and see someone who has it all together, a real adult, and when she looks at me, she sees someone who’s having fun. I’ve had men in gilets roll their eyes at me when I asked them What do you do for fun? over a pint. I felt self-conscious for about half a second for my childish question, and then I felt a little sorry for them. Trying to help my employed friend figure her life out, I posed the same question. Sure, she didn’t really like her job, but it didn’t take up all of her time, and now she also had the funds to pursue the things she enjoyed.
Turns out you can just… do things
Growing up, I was always an extremely rational person, a child with an affinity for plans and schedules and spreadsheets made for an interesting picture. As I got older, I seemed to pull the Benjamin Button switch, becoming more impulsive, throwing caution to the wind. Having been on the opposing extremes, I now try to find a reasonable balance. I had all these things that I would like to do, but they seemed too distant from the version of myself I envisioned. I was so attached to the version of myself I had grown used to that anything that strayed from that triggered an intense cognitive dissonance. I had always considered myself a good student, and the good girl character seemed to tack on without me ever noticing (though with my very chill parents, it would be difficult to rebel anyway). I grew up dancing, but never thought I was sporty. I surprised myself (and people I knew in High School) with my ability to hold my liquor and stay out until the sun went up, and have since made peace with my party girl identity. I’m running a marathon in less than a week, but I still have a hard time calling myself a runner. I write every week, I get messages from strangers and friends alike telling me they like my work and got my first byline this year, and I still feel like the term writer doesn’t quite fit. Still, I take a lot of pride in being slightly random. It means my friends know that I’m down for everything, from hikes to raves to workout classes and Lord of the Rings marathons.
What Do You Do? In case you were wondering
I have a range of different answers for my least favourite question, and it mostly depends on who I’m talking to (I am a notorious social chameleon). I might bring up marathon training or the fact that I’m [trying] to improve my tennis skills. I’ll happily talk about whatever I’ve been reading for hours on end. Random spontaneous trips have taken over the past year. As I try to fill my extensive free time, I’ve taken to learning new languages, learning to drive, writing. I’ve also tried things and realised that they are very much not for me. I’m too jittery for yoga, and lack the skill and patience to paint a decent watercolour. I tried to go back to things I used to like, and discovered that after fifteen years, I’m ready to retire my pointe shoes and leotards. I’ve ended up loving things I didn’t try for years because I thought they weren’t for me (and now my favourite girl dinner will forever be a pint of Guinness). My latest side quest has been wine tourism in Moldova. I will take any excuse to catch up with my mom, and since I had nothing better going on last week, I joined her on a work trip. I came back with a stomach full of borsch, a new coat, a desire to learn Russian and an agenda to return for a wine-fuelled girls’ weekend.
I’m still figuring things out, but in the words of Samantha Jones, I’ll try anything once. If anyone has any side quest recomendations, I’m all ears, and if you want to join a begginer’s Russian class, I’m looking for volunteers!
welcome!
for now
correction: he said she had no interests, which is just as mean
she speaks several languages, has travelled extensively, always sends me pictures of her latest reads and ran her first half-marathon yesterday!
a topic for another time, watch this space for more on passion projects and sexy jobs very soon
I’m starting to think that’s just a prerequisite for being in your twenties
This made me pause and think in the best way. Thank you for writing it ♡ we would love to have you with us at gēnu if you are interested! Looking forward to reading more from you.