A Spiralling Girl’s Guide to Low Effort Self-Care
A realistic guide to keeping it together when you’re losing your sh*t
Last week, I texted a friend a screenshot of a quick list I had jotted down as things to do in an attempt not to lose my mind. As I revisited my job applications spreadsheet, my vision of the future started to look bleak. I was also in the comedown of having exciting summer plans and quality time with my family and friends, so it’s safe to say that I started to spiral. Without further ado, I present to you my guide to surviving, not thriving, because we all must start somewhere.
I know at least some of these points might seem obvious. For anyone who’s never had their executive functioning affected by a major crash out (tell me your secrets), these might seem like the bare minimum and involve negligible effort. I do sometimes hate it when drinking water and seeing the sun fixes things, because wow, I’m basically a plant! I told a friend that whenever I’m having a hard time getting through the day (or week), I employ the Tamagotchi approach™, which is where you treat yourself like a simple creature, and make sure that you are getting food, water and sunlight (which can sometimes be a challenge during English winters, but God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers). Reset to the basic settings if you will. I was then informed that I was pretty much employing a DBT(Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) Skill (PLEASE), which is a great tip for anyone who didn’t come with emotional regulation as a pre-established factory setting.
1. Leave the house (at least once a day)
People who know me as a hyper-extroverted person might be surprised by my homebody tendencies, but I think they go hand in hand. I feel my most energized when I’m surrounded by people, but this also means I need some serious downtime. However, if I’m not feeling 100%, I don’t want to bring other people down with me (see point 8), and therefore, I can end up holed up at home for days at a time. Growing up, I’d have weeks in the summer just bleed into each other; if I had nowhere to be, I’d stop moving altogether. I will sometimes convince myself there is something seriously wrong with me, and then I’ll put on jeans for the first time in a week and make myself look presentable and leave the house, and suddenly I’m healed (or at least feeling a little better).
2. Limit your time on LinkedIn (and on social media in general)
Fresh grads might relate when I say that LinkedIn has taken over my screen time. I will pop in for a quick scroll, and next thing I know I’ve gone down several rabbit holes, tried to figure out what all these people posting about “business” with AI generated text littered with emojis actually do for a living, and mostly feeling like the last time I was happy with my productivity levels was in High School. We’ve all heard that comparison is the thief of joy, and have at this point come to terms with what we see on social media is at best an extremely curated version of people’s lives (though a lot of the time it is just fully manufactured). I haven’t heard people talking about the LinkedIn-triggered downwards spiral, though.
3. Whilst you’re at it, get off that damn phone
I know I’m really coming in with super hot and innovative takes, but sometimes it really is that damn phone. The way a whole day can fly by when you’re getting nothing done but doomscrolling is something else. I feel like a junkie, clicking “remind me in 15 minutes” whenever my screen time alerts come up, knowing fully well that I will continue to press snooze and waste yet another hour of my life. Let me remind you (and myself) that you probably don’t need to be reachable at all hours of the day. Turn your phone off or leave it in a different room. Read a book, watch a show, just stare at the ceiling for a bit, your retinas will thank you.
4. Avoid coffee on an empty stomach
Drink some water, I beg of you! I love the smell of coffee first thing in the morning. Filling a mug large enough I could swim laps in it and bringing it back to bed, to enjoy whilst I finish waking up. However, as a generally anxious person, I try to get some water and maybe some food in me before I hit my body with caffeine. I’ve had varying levels of success with this one, but I will say that I have felt a drastic difference on days when I don’t have coffee first thing in the morning. As a coffee lover I know this might be a hard one, I gave up coffee for over a year in High School after the anxiety, caffeine shakes and all-nighters started making me look like a sick Victorian child, and whilst I’m not recommending as drastic of an approach, a glass of water in the morning might make a massive difference.
5. Eat
This one kind of goes hand in hand with the previous point. I find that coffee completely kills my appetite, so if I’m having it as soon as I wake up, I’ll probably have my next meal around 4 pm. The lack of eating is usually a symptom of a bigger issue. A general lack of motivation might mean I’ll avoid grocery shopping and cooking, and if I’m not doing much all day, I don’t really get hungry. Then I’ll finally eat some carbs, maybe a vegetable, and be shocked at how my body responds to fuel. Groundbreaking, I know, but don’t forget to eat (and this is coming from the biggest foodie on the planet, so if I’m skipping meals, you know it’s bad). There’s no shame in keeping things simple, I know fed is best is a line usually reserved for breastfeeding mothers switching over to formula (I have a lot of new moms in my life), but it’s also valid for students, recent grads, people spiralling over a breakup or working eighty hours a week.
6. Wake up early(ish) and avoid rotting in bed
It’s easy to let the whole day pass you by in the summer, when the sun is setting late, you feel like you have all the time in the world. Anyone working from home might feel tempted to bring their laptop to bed, and my fellow post-grad-but-not-yet-working friends have all at some point gotten caught in the trap of rotting all day long. Whilst the occasional “day off” is fine, you’d be surprised (or maybe not) at how much better you might feel getting up before nine, and leaving your bed, your room, and maybe even your house if you’re feeling adventurous.
7. Exercise
Endorphins (aka nature’s drugs), unfortunately, are a real thing. I’m currently training for a marathon (I have to mention it every chance I get, I’m sorry I don’t make the insufferable soon-to-be marathon runner rules), so the fear of breaking mid-race overhauls whatever urge I have to remain immobile. With that being said, a long walk (leave the house!!) can also tick that box. I also feel the need to say that whilst you almost always feel better after exercising, you are not alone if you’re miserable during (I’d say I’m having a good time in like 30% of my runs, everything else feels like a chore). Things that have worked for me in the past include themed spin classes, especially with a friend, and making brunch plans at the end of every weekend run.
8. Resist the urge to avoid everyone and everything (this is the big one)
I wouldn’t usually describe myself as a people pleaser, but this behaviour was recently flagged by my therapist. I never want to be a Debbie Downer, and I always want to show up for people as my best self. Whenever I start spiralling, or I’m going through something, my immediate response is to shut everyone out. I’ll avoid plans with friends, field calls from my parents. I convince myself that I’m letting everyone down, and for some reason, I can’t face them. On a similar note, if there is a particular task or imminent conversation that is making me anxious, the way I want to deal with it is to avoid it altogether. I’m trying to be better about this, reminding myself that whenever my friends are having a hard time, I want to be there for them, and that sometimes, spending time with the people you love is the best way to pull you out of a rut. I think a lot of people hold themselves to much higher standards than they do everyone else in their lives, so let this be your reminder to give yourself a little grace.
I know this is different from what I usually write, and for the perpetually high functioning individuals it might seem ludicrous that eat and leave the house might be points on someone’s to-do list (I also include texting people back and calling my grandma on mine), but this has been a fun exercise whilst my therapist is away on holiday. I’m curious to know what everyone else is doing to stay sane these days, would love to hear your own takes on realistic self-care.
Great read super relatable
Finch is how I stay sane these days